In my job as a trial attorney, I see more conflict than collaboration. While I work with my team to prepare for trial, the actual case is inherently a conflict. More often than not, there’s a lot of yelling. However, now I work with companies and individuals, giving them specific tools to ask better questions, master objections and use evidence to improve themselves, their teams, and their lives. It’s a collaborative effort, and it feels different. When we collaborate, the results come faster, and with more fun on the way. When we work together, things change.

So many times we think we should, or we must, go it alone. We feel alone, so there’s no choice. Or we feel like no one can do what needs to be done as well as we can, so we make the choice to believe that we are alone. Your belief becomes your reality. And being alone is not fun, but it’s also not healthy. Studies on “Blue Zones” (areas where residents live to be much older than the rest of the world) show that community is strong in those areas. They collaborate.

TODAY’S CHALLENGE–TRY TO COLLABORATE.  Find something that needs to be done, then find someone to do it with you. Tap into human resources at your disposal–the savvy friend, the smart colleague, the sage mentor. Give and take, take and give. When you work with other, you’re all more likely to win.

Then collaborate with us! What did you do to work with others today? How did it make you feel? We all can benefit from one another, and I believe that’s what we’re here to do. See you tomorrow!

4 thoughts on “TRIAL DAY 24-COLLABORATE

  1. To Collaborate: To put heads together. Heads? Yes. Capacities.

    I don’t see it as easy as “going out and collaborating.” I’m sure know no one else sees it that way, either. I’ve set my mind to thinking what it takes to collaborate.

    I have tried in impossible situations to collaborate. Guess what. It didn’t work.

    Collaboration to me is a method that works beautifully. Still, it turns out that life, perceptions, and emotions seep in.

    I posted this comment a few weeks ago:

    I heard this metaphor: A husband went to a book club meeting to meet up with a woman he is about to start an affair with. When he got there, he found that the book club meeting had been cancelled. He therefore didn’t meet up with his affair-to-be. Is he then innocent? Should his wife be happy?

    A MAN’S RESPONSE: The problem with good and bad is it depends on one’s perspective. One’s good is another’s bad. That is one of the main reasons humans constantly fight.

    MY RESONSE: The way you describe it, we’re doomed to fight. There will always be disagreements, so as you describe it, fights can’t possibly be avoided. I think a big reason people fight is that they are rigid. They feel so “righteously” right, that they have no room for differences or even understanding. I wonder: What happened to disagreeing yet understanding?

    And in this question about collaborating: What happened to collaborating to come to a sweet spot where we can live and work together to do something worthwhile?

    I recently lost a long-time friend (E) to a baseless and petty misunderstanding. When I tried to clarify, she repeated over and over, the way she saw it, and interrupted me until I stopped. That was about 6 months ago. We haven’t talked since.

    Now she is in cahoots (a form of collaboration) with a person (M) who is audibly mean, under his breath, yet a hero to everyone in the room. M has convinced him how horrible I am and my husband, too. He is obviously collaborating with E to try to make my life miserable. I know M’s “grounds,” which I tried to clarify and ask that we sit down and try to understand each other. M has chosen not to talk to me. No one would believe it if I told them. M is well-respected and called upon in our congregation.

    So I want to talk about collaboration as a way of Putting Heads Together.

    FIRST and foremost, Putting Heads Together means putting CAPACITIES together. A prerequisite for putting heads together in collaboration is capacity.

    In this case, my husband and I have decided to respond as if nothing is happening. Tehrefore, we wish M well, just as we did before. We say hello, and so on.

    The collaboration is with the Rabbi. He is the ONLY person I would choose to collaborate with. He has the CAPACITIES needed here. The Rabbi will deal with this in normal conversation, “not straight on.” His is a capacity to collaborate with us silently. I know he knows what to do. He has all the time he needs. Nothing is going to change in anyone’s world, except maybe M’s (hopefully in a good way).

    Why not act angrily and confront M? Because the way things will be in my world depend on how I see my world. I choose to see kindness and collaboration, not anger or resentment. M and E’s problems are theirs alone. They are busy making their own worlds. The M & E collaboration is cahoots (bring it down). The Rabbi, my husband and my collaboration is to “raise it higher,” which will take a very long time.

    I hope to collaborate with amenable people who have capacity.

    Those without capacity are good to have on the bad side, but not for good, YET.

  2. OMG we have a friend on FB that suddenly got healthy and it made her energetic and enthusiastic and it’s contagious – we all want in and collaborating together for the same result!

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