It helps to detach from your outcomes. You are not your failures. You are not your successes either. You aren’t this argument,  this fight. You’re so much more than that. And when you realize all that you are, you can put all that you aren’t in perspective. The strange thing is the ability to detach  often means more successes, better arguments and fewer fights. Somehow when you detach from the outcome, everything expands. You see more opportunities and more possibilities when you aren’t attached to just one. 

It is especially hard for lawyers not to attach to the outcome of our cases. We use the wins as support for our confidence, and the losses as support for our doubt. But when you attach to the outcome of one case, you risk letting the next client down. Trial lawyers have to roll with punches and that can’t happen if you’re hanging on to one opponent’s fist. 

The challenge for today–TRY TO DETACH FROM OUTCOMES. You can give everything you have and not lose it. Put it all out there, and then be willing to accept what happens. Remind yourself of who you are, and you’ll see all you can be.

2 thoughts on “TRIAL DAY 28-DETACH

  1. You explained very well that lawyers should not attach themselves to the outcomes of their cases.

    OK, I get that we should be like the lawyers. However, we are often the cases. As cases, we want the outcome to be in our favor and big time. If it is not in our favor, the lawyer failed — let us down.

    So, should I be like the lawyer and detach from the outcome, also when I am the case? Probably I should, but that seems a lot harder. I will look at both.

    To be like a lawyer is to detach from the outcome when I am “in charge.” This requires that I try very hard to do my best and shoot for a great outcome as if everything depends on it. At the same time, I need to keep in mind that the outcome will be the outcome. It will not always be what I expect or what I drove it to be. If it goes awry (turns out to be different than I expected), I need to tell myself convincingly that there is a lot I can learn and see how I can apply it when I try again.

    To be like a case and detach from the outcome when someone else is “in charge” requires that I remain clear, vigilant, and involved. It requires that I muster my patience and my communication skills, and that I collaborate as much as possible to bring about the most favorable outcome. All the while, I must keep in mind that there are many unknowns and there is much that is not under my control. Therefore, it may not go how I expect it to at all. Being the case, I need to remind myself that I can survive whatever is the outcome.

    1. It is unbelievably hard for me to detach from my cases. I am sometimes more invested than my clients! But we are not our wins, or our losses, and we are not what we learn or don’t learn. Our spirits are so much more than all of that. It is worth reminding ourselves of that every day…….

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