New Year’s Resolutions are dangerous. They are enticing…….”when I’m done partying and eating my face off I will eat less, move more, get up earlier, drink more water and meditate.” But you need to be very careful what you promise yourself. Because if you make yourself a promise and you break it, you lose your own credibility and trust. And that is NOT the way you want to start the year. You have got to be able to trust yourself.

In my book, The Elegant Warrior (out in April, but you can pre-order here), I talk about credibility. If the jury doesn’t find me credible, I cannot win. Full stop. I can lose an argument, lose an objection, or lose a point but if I lose the jury’s trust, I should take off my stilettos, put on my sneakers and walk myself home. Trust is that important.

And the same is true in life. Your friends, family, clients, colleagues and customers all need to find you credible if you want to win. They have to trust you. But NOTHING is more important than trusting yourself. 

In my work with individuals and businesses, we focus on credibility. We drill down on how they set expectations, then meet them. We explore how they make promises, and then keep them. And we make sure that we embrace vulnerability, so that if they can’t meet an expectation or keep a promise, they are willing to be honest about it, sharing the what, why and how they’ll fix it.

As you ease into the New Year, you are likely recovered from your champagne hangover. But too many, too aggressive resolutions can leave you hungover as well. And they can lead to a loss of your own trust. So think long and hard about the expectations you are setting for yourself in 2019, and the promises you are making to yourself. It is far better to make smaller promises and keep them, and then make a new promise on February 1st. When it comes to credibility and trust, it is best to underpromise and overdeliver. It works in the courtroom. It works in business. And it will work for you.

7 thoughts on “Trust Yourself in 2019-Here’s How

  1. Thank you so very much for this subtle yet profound point on trusting ourselves. Credibility with others begins with being True to our(Self). If we falter and sway on our own , holding up in the face of adversity with someone else will eat us away quicker than how we got there. It’s all about building the Inner World before we step out.

    This post means a lot to me. Thank you again.

    1. Thank you Suz–love that this resonated with you. I love the way you put it–build that Inner World before we step into the outer world. Happy new year!

  2. Happy New Year Heather! I love the Thursday emails!!! I tend to read in the morning before 8am. Hope that helps. Have an awesome 2019!

  3. I’m so happy to see you again, Heather. I like the opportunities you give us to sort ourselves out. What I write is for me to learn about myself from your questions. Anyone who can benefit, that’s frosting on the cake.

    I do trust myself. I got there from HUGE mistakes in judgement, speech, and relationships; business and personal in all cases.

    Fortunately, I had put myself in situations where I couldn’t quit.So I had to drill down within myself if I were to survive.

    It wasn’t all me. I had a thriving business. I learned the hard way, sometimes, about other people whom I hadn’t read well. Once I had to get rid of my whole staff of say 13 people (the cultural virus had spread), and start over. Then the customers — For example, I was shocked to find customers thought they didn’t have to pay.

    At a certain point I arrived at the fact that the only person I could trust is myself. It was not a cynical outlook as in others weren’t trustworthy. It was based on “how could I know?” I had to be ready to bear the brunt if things went sour.

    I am now so used to trusting myself and pivoting when I falter, that it’s like breathing. If I can dig out any axioms, they are 1) do what I say I will do. That means I have to know what I can do and only promise what I am certain of. Also in the event where something becomes impossible, I have to be ready to let people know; 2) Suspect and respect, as it’s said. I am on top of most “games” by now and a darn good detective. I can usually see what’s up and act accordingly. Therefore, the axiom is trust that make the best choices I can and trust that I can take what comes of it if I misjudge.

    That’s basically it, off the top of my head.

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