Do you worry about what people think? I used to spend so much time in other people’s heads. I was trying to figure out what they were thinking, or what they were going to think, or what they thought. What a waste of time. If you spend time worrying about what people think, you should know it isn’t helping you. It isn’t making you kinder, or nicer, or a better partner. And it certainly isn’t making you a better advocate.  Because if you want to be a good advocate, you need to stop worrying about what people think and start thinking about how you make them feel.

Worrying about what people think is selfish. Most of the time you’re really worrying about what they think…of you. You’re worrying about what they think of your hair, your brains, your body or your politics. The truth is, they’re probably not thinking about any of that. But when you start thinking about how you make people FEEL, you are on your way to becoming really effective at standing up for yourself, your ideas, your family and your business.

Juries decide cases, in large part, based on how they feel about the parties, the lawyers, and the issues. Your partner decides whether to give you what you asked for based on how he or she feels. And recent surveys show that the way you make a customer or client feel has a bigger influence on their loyalty than effectiveness or how easy it is to use a product. 

Part of being a good advocate is focusing on how you make people feel. Start today. Every time you step into a situation, be aware of how you make the people around you feel. It will make you a better advocate. You’ll spend less time worrying about things that don’t matter. And you’ll be changing the things that do. How they feel makes (or breaks) the deal. Remember that, and you’ll find standing up for yourself becomes easier, and you start to get what you want more often. That makes everyone feel better.

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