TRIAL DAY 1-HANLDE COMPLAINTS

In civil cases, we start with Complaints. The injured person files a Complaint listing all of the ways she’s been wronged. Then the other side objects or denies. Does this sound familiar? We often spend our days filing complaints. “You left the dishes out” .” You never want to do anything”. “My hair looks horrible.” “I don’t want to work out.”

Then we respond, with objections or denials. “It was your turn to do the dishes.” “We just don’t want to do the same things.” “I’ll just never have good hair.” “It won’t help anyway.”

In lawsuits, Complaints don’t get us very far. They’re a start, but if we end there, nothing happens.  Nothing is resolved. The same is true for our complaints outside of the courtroom. It’s time to try another way.  Complaining itself may be bad for your health. But worse, complaining doesn’t  get anything done. It may be a beginning, but complaints have to be followed with action or nothing changes.

TODAY’S CHALLENGE–TRY TO HANDLE YOUR COMPLAINTS. Look at them closely and honestly to see what comes next. If you’re dealing with someone else’s complaint, explore whether or not there is truth to it. Objecting or denying might feel good in the moment, but it won’t  get things resolved. You might find there’s something you’re willing to change, or a way you can communicate to resolve the complaint. You may find the complaint is actually a gift, leading you to a better relationship or a happy compromise.

Handling your own complaints is even more rewarding. Realize that the complaint itself isn’t getting things moving, and determine what comes next. Feelings aren’t always facts, and examining complaints may lead to a different way of looking at things and different feelings might follow. Other times, the complaint may lead to action. Do what you can do about the complaint. Complaint, then action. Otherwise we stand still.

What complaints do you face today? Are they your own, or someone else’s? And most important–how will you handle them? What action will you take to ensure that you won’t be facing the same complaint tomorrow? Share your experience, and how you choose to respond below! And be sure to share the 30 Days of Trials Challenge. The bigger our community, the more we will learn. I’ll be back tomorrow with TRIAL DAY 2.

If you think this is worthwhile,  I’d SO appreciate it if you’d share it.  Share on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, or email it out to your tribe. Thank you so much!

 

TRIAL DAY 2-MOVE

Lawyers file motions when things get stuck. We file them to make progress, to move things along. We also file motions to create friction–to show the other side who is boss, to light a spark. Motion works the same in life. You can move to create progress, or you can move to create a spark. But movement is necessary to win any sort of trial.

TODAY’S CHALLENGE–TRY TO MOVE. Action precedes motivation. This is especially true when we’re facing things we don’t want to do, or things we are afraid to do. You can’t always think your way into doing things, but once you start moving your feelings change. A little movement can give you momentum. It can change your perspective, and when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.

Yesterday we handled our complaints, and took action. Today we take that one step further and we move. There’s something you’ve wanted to do but haven’t done There’s an action you know you should take, but you’ve been stuck in inertia. It’s time to move. An object at rest stays at rest, and an object in motion stays in motion. Get in motion today, and see where it takes you.

The motion itself is up to you. What will you do today to move things forward? What step have you been unwilling or unable to take that will get things moving, or light that spark? It might be a phone call to someone you’ve been meaning to call. It may be starting that website, applying for that job, or having that conversation with your boss. And it may be to move your body. If that is the motion you choose, I highly recommend my friend Laura Kovall. She has an online fitness practice that will get you moving, but more than that, she will support your inner motion as well.

Move, and then tell us about it. What was your motion, and how did it make you feel? If your motion got you a step closer to your goal, it created progress. If your motion lit a fire inside,  it created friction. Did you make progress, or did you light a fire? Let us know what it was, and how it made you feel, below. Remember, you have to comment to get the little something at the end of the challenge. And if you know someone else who could use some movement, share this challenge with them. I’ll see you tomorrow.

TRIAL DAY 3-DISCOVER

When I was a kid, I liked to ride my bike and look for fossils. I was sure if I found one I’d be in the paper and on TV, famous for having found something special. While I never found a fossil, I have been in the paper and on TV. I have found something special–that the skills I’ve learned in the courtroom can be applied so that we ALL can win. That discovery took some work. You can’t find search for treasure without getting your fingers dirty. But the moment when you reach gold is worth it.

THE CHALLENGE FOR TODAY-TRY TO DISCOVER. If that seems a bit broad, it is meant to be. It could be that you’ll discover something about yourself that you’ve never known. It might be that you discover something about someone you work with, someone you love, or someone you don’t like at all. Choose a situation or a person to focus upon, and then start digging. You dig with questions. If you attended my recent webinar, you know that I’m a little obsessed with questions. They’re magic. They can be used to impress, to learn, to engage and to build relationships. But most of all, questions are the key to discovery.

In my courtroom trials, after the complaint we engage in discovery. We ask questions, and the answers lead us to more questions. The answers also lead us to the piece of evidence we need to win, or resolve, the case. Questions will do the same for you. If you want to make a discovery about yourself, ask yourself some questions. Write them down, and write down the answers. Then let them be, and come back to them in a few hours. Your answers may change, and you may have more questions. The process is the same if you’re focused on someone else. Dig with questions, see what you find, come back for more.

By the end of the day, you should have discovered something about yourself, your work, or your relationships. Share what you’ve found with the community, and let us know how it made you feel. Discovery is an ongoing process, but once you start digging you often don’t want to stop. Get your fingers dirty. Treasure awaits.

TRIAL DAY 4-WAIT

Today’s trial is the hardest for me. Patience has never been my strong suit, but it is an imperative skill to build if you want to win trials inside and outside the courtroom. Yesterday, we tried discovering with questions. Asking the questions is important, but pausing to wait for the answers is more so. I see this all the time in my practice. Lawyers ask questions of their clients or the people they’re deposing, and then they jump in to answer the questions. They’ve lost the answer, and all of the benefit that answer could bring.

I’ve learned to wait for answers in my professional life, but I struggle in my personal life. I ask a friend, a boyfriend, or a family member a question and then don’t wait for the answer. Worse, I’ll meditate and ask for guidance, then act before I get the chance to receive it. There is an enormous amount of value in the waiting.

TODAY’S CHALLENGE–TRY TO WAIT. Ask questions, and then wait for a response. Let the silence do its job. Take an action, and then wait. See what the results are before you jump into the next action. For this one day, practice waiting, and let us know what happens. You may find you breathe deeper, you walk slower, and you feel less stressed. When you take time to wait, you take time. And that time opens things up for you and for the people around you. Clients feel heard. Customers feel respected. Colleagues feel cared for. Patience is a gift, and you and the people around you can benefit from it. For today, try patience on for size. Let us know how it fits. And know that being forced to wait for things makes us more successful.

Then share! Share your experiences with us, and share the challenge with others! Remember, it’s never too late to join the challenge. Ask your friends and family to join in! And if you comment, you get a little something at the end of the 30 days. The person who shares the MOST gets a bigger something! We’re growing a community here. That takes your help. And my patience–thus the trial for today……

TRIAL DAY 5-ESTABLISH CREDIBILITY

If I’m not credible, I’m lost. The jury has to believe me in order for me to win. You need to be credible as well. You need your friends, your family, and your colleagues to believe you in order to win. Most important, you need to believe yourself.

THE CHALLENGE FOR TODAY–TRY TO BUILD CREDIBILITY. This takes time, and it takes the patience we tried yesterday. In my trials in the courtroom, I build credibility one promise at a time. I tell the jury they will see something, and then I show it to them. I tell them they will hear something, and then it is spoken. And I tell them I will prove something, and I prove it. Step by step, one piece of evidence at a time, I build credibility. The jury trusts me. And that trust allows me to win.

You need to build credibility as well. If you tell yourself you’re going to do something, do it. It may be moving your body, getting up on time, eating well, being patient. Each time you make yourself a promise, keep that promise. One of the worst things in the world is when you don’t trust yourself, because then you won’t take risks, you won’t make commitments, and you’ll excuse the inexcusable. You have to build credibility with yourself first. Others follow. Stand by your promises. Make your word count. The credibility you build is the basis of any win you want to attain. And without it, any win will be hollow.

How will you build credibility today? What promises will you make, and keep, and how will you hold yourself accountable? Share your experiences with us. If you do, I will keep my promise and you’ll get a little something from me when this challenge is over.

TRIAL DAY 6-ALLOW VULNERABILITY

I’m a crier. I come from it honestly. My mother is a crier, and her mother before her. It’s genetics, and at a certain point there’s just nothing I can do about it. But I work at keeping tears in, especially at work and most especially in the courtroom. I’ve seen male attorneys choke up during closing, and I think the jury sees it as a reflection of the emotional nature of the case. But I fear that if I were to choke up, the jury would see it as the emotional nature of me. So I swallow the tears when I’m before the jury. But outside the courtroom, I think vulnerability can be an asset. That doesn’t mean we should cry, necessarily. It does mean that we should admit to being human. 

THE CHALLENGE FOR TODAY–TRY TO ALLOW  VULNERABILITY. We all have soft spots. Often, they’re the very things that make others feel close to us. I once had a client, a doctor, who was afraid she’d cry during her testimony. It was a tragic case, and she was heartbroken about it. I told her that it was ok. While I’ve had losses I could attribute to a witness’s arrogance, I’ve never lost a case because of a witness’ vulnerability. 

Try to be a little more vulnerable. Tell your colleagues you’re nervous about your presentation.  Ask your spouse for help, or a tender touch. Let the person behind you in line know that you’re having a challenging day .When we expose our soft spots to one another, they often become the very place we can rest. When we are secure in feeling vulnerable, we allow others to do the same. That type of honest connection brings results you can’t find anywhere else. The Queen of this topic is Brene Brown. Watch her TED talk on vulnerability here.

How can you be vulnerable today? What scares you about being vulnerable, and how do you feel when others are vulnerable around you? Share with us–that might be just the way that you try to be vulnerable today! Plus, it gets you closer to the little gift you get at the end for commenting on the challenge. See you tomorrow!

 

TRIAL DAY 7-BEWARE THE CURSE OF KNOWLEDGE

If you’ve been reading my blogs for a while, you know about the Curse of Knowledge. But it bears repeating, because part of the Curse is that we forget that it exists. An example of the Curse of Knowledge is Name that Tune.

Have you ever played? It’s a game I use in my keynotes and workshops, and also to occupy my nieces, my nephew, and my friends’ children. They love it. But for the person who knows the tune, the game can get really frustrating really fast. That person hums, then looks at the listener expectantly When the listener doesn’t know the song, the hummer often looks around incredulously. How can we not know the song? The hummer has the Curse of Knowledge. She knows the song so well that she can’t imagine what it’s like not to know it.

Elizabeth Newton did a study at Stanford on the Curse of Knowledge. It is a real thing. And I know you have the Curse too. You have it at work, where no one knows exactly how you do what you do. You have it at home, where no one else can load the dishwasher exactly the way you like it done. When it comes to relationships, all of those things that you know so well about who you are and what you want are part of the Curse. And it is a Curse. Because until you overcome it, connection is almost impossible.

We can overcome the Curse. It takes communication, perspective and empathy. That means you need imagination. Imagine what it is like to be in someone else’s shoes. Imagine what he is seeing, hearing and thinking. You also need curiosity. Ask him what he sees, what he thinks, what he wants.

TODAY’S CHALLENGE–TRY TO OVERCOME THE CURSE OF KNOWLEDGE. If you really want to connect with your colleagues, your clients, your customers or your children you need to overcome the Curse of Knowledge. First, identify where it might be lurking. Then, use your imagination and your curiosity to overcome it. And share. Let us know whether you identified where you might have the curse, and how you tried to overcome it. This is a great one to discuss, as the discussion might show us even more places where the Curse might be lurking So share below, and remember that if you comment you get a token of my appreciation at the end. And the person who shares the Challenge the most–on social, via email, etc–gets an even bigger token. So stop humming a tune no one else recognizes and get to work! See you tomorrow….

TRIAL DAY 8-CHOOSE ELEGANCE

Anyone who has followed my blogs for a while knows that I believe words matter, and I like to look into the origins of words. Often that helps me to understand the word more deeply, and to use it in a different way. One such word is elegance. I’ve always aspired to be elegant, and I believe it is something that both men and women can personify. Elegant is defined as many things–simple,  ingenious, graceful, neat, and stylish to name a few.  But the root of the word is eligere, which means to choose. You get to choose your elegance.

I’ve written a book, coming out in 2019, called The Elegant Warrior–How to Win Life’s Trials Without Losing Yourself. My editor initially wondered whether the title was too limiting. What if people didn’t want to be elegant? What if that wasn’t something everyone aspired to? But I believe you choose your elegance, and therefore everyone gets to choose what kind of warrior he or she will be.

TODAY’S CHALLENGE–TRY TO CHOOSE.  Choose your elegance. How do you want to be? And how will you put that choice into action? Too often, we live our lives in default. The alarm goes off, and we go off–into a million directions, a million thoughts, and all of it happens without any conscious choice. But you can press pause and choose who you will be in a moment. When that person cuts you off in traffic, you choose your response. When your little one comes to you with a new discovery, choose to put down your phone and explore it with her. You choose your elegance, and keep choosing until you become it.

Studies show that people value having choices more than making choices. That makes sense. When we make choices, we have to live with those choices. But one of the great things about being human is that we get to choose again, over and over, until we get it right. Who will you choose to be today? Let us know. Tell us what elegance means to you, and how you’ll choose to make that elegance apparent in your actions today.  Share your choices with us. We learn from our own choices, but we also learn from one another. And don’t forget to share the challenge if you like it. It’s never too late for someone to join us, and the more warriors in our army the better.

TRIAL DAY 9-LISTEN
Your ears are your secret weapon. They have magical powers. But in order for your ears to work, you have to use them actively and consciously. You have to listen, and it has to be with intent. That means listening with all of your senses, and with no distraction. It’s not easy, but the return is worth the investment.

You can learn so much by listening. Let’s start with tone. Did you know that you can tell more about a person’s emotion from their tone of voice than from their facial expressions? In fact, if you want to read a person’s emotion you should focus solely on listening. This may be because we’ve become good at hiding our emotions on our faces, but we’ve not yet mastered changing our tone of voice. If you want more empathy, more perspective, better relationships and better outcomes, listening is key.

That means putting down distractions. If you say you’re listening but you’re looking at your phone, you’re lying to yourself and whomever is speaking. Listening takes focus, time and intent. I listen best when I concentrate. One of the best listeners I know is a friend who reads lips. All of his attention is on the speaker, as he is listening with his ears and with his eyes. You can do the same.

TODAY’S CHALLENGE–TRY TO LISTEN. Listen with all of your senses. Use your ears, but also use your eyes. Feel the words, but also feel the tone. Listen for the words said but also sniff out the words left unsaid. In Chris Voss book Never Split the Difference, he shares that he believes the most powerful person in the room is the one doing the most listening. If you want better relationships, better insight, better perspective and more power, try closing your mouth and opening your ears.

But don’t clam up completely! We want to know about your experience. What tools did you use to be sure you were listening? How did it work for you, and what were your distractions? Share how you felt with today’s challenge. I promise–we will listen.

TRIAL DAY 10–TRY TO RISK

 I’ve seen the value of risks. Here is a small example from when I was a waitress at a very busy restaurant in Cape Cod. It took a lot of time and a lot of training to become a waitress there, and in my first shifts I’d get the easiest stations. Three tables, none of them too big. But as I get better, I’d get the harder stations. Four tables. And then, sometimes, the boss would ask if I could take on another table. Now I was  looking at 5 tables of people who want their chowder, their mudslides, the lobster salad on portuguese bread, and their swordfish. It felt risky. I remember the first time Fuzzy (my boss) asked me if I’d take another table. The timid voice inside was screaming at me to say no. I acknowledged that voice, and then I said yes, knowing that it was a risk. If I messed up, I might go back to those easy stations. But I’d never know what I could do unless I risked not being able to do it. That’s just how it works. The risks create the rewards.

Years after I took on my fifth table for the first time, I had the opportunity to try my first jury trial. The timid voice screamed that I wasn’t ready. Once again, I acknowledged that voice. But once again, I took the risk. With that risk I became stronger, which in itself was a reward. Timid gets you nowhere, but risks create rewards. One of those rewards is that we learn.

As we get older, we tend to take less risks. Research shows we have 80% excitatory cells and 20% inhibitory cells in the decision making area of our brain. The inhibitory cells don’t start really working until we get older though. And once they do, they can reduce the number of risks we take and impede learning.  You’ve got to take risks to learn. Taking risks taught me how to handle chowder, lobster sandwiches and mudslides. It also taught me to try cases. Doing these challenges is risky for me also. What if you don’t like it? What if you think it’s stupid? But I tell that timid voice to take a seat, and I stand up for risk. You can too.

TODAY’S CHALLENGE–TRY TO TAKE A RISK. That could mean smiling at someone in the street. It could mean being the first to speak at a meeting, or the first to say I love you. It could mean being the first to say I don’t understand. All of these things feel risky. All have enormous rewards.

Share what you’ve risked, and the reward you gained. Maybe sharing feels risky–then do it.

 

 

134 thoughts on “THE 30 DAYS OF TRIALS CHALLENGE

  1. I sure know my “complaint” today: “I’m so mentally and physically exhausted from this long lasting (90 degree +) heat wave in Boston”. I’ll check back later to report how I made a concerted effort to find “Joy” in today’s heat!
    Thank you HH for your words and coaching which inspires me to find thought provoking and sometimes fun way to grow in a fruitful positive direction.
    Patti Boston, MA

    1. The heat is a tough one. You can use it as a way to imagine what many of those who serve in our armed forces feel every day, while they wear tons of equipment and have no air conditioning. That’s what I do with that complaint!

      1. PART II – Well that put me in my place, for sure, military guys n gals protecting our country everyday in sweltering heat and with all that equipment on! My bad WOW! Next time I’ma got a complaint I will think of someone who has it worse!

        So does this mean you don’t want to know how I beat the heat today?

        I had an impromtu lovely brunch with an old friend and this afternoon I went for a swim! Now I’m chillin’ with my BFF Mocha! And I’m smiling thinking of YOU Coach!

  2. There is someone who comes to me every single morning and complains and sighs about simply having to be where she is each day. Every. Single. Morning. It drives me absolutely nuts! I’m usually a happy person in the morning and I really don’t enjoy the bad vibes. I normally try to ignore it but today I responded back with an attitude. I felt like I was just as bad as her. Complaining is so contagious and my energy got lower once I started. I handled it by doing a very short 4 minute guided meditation. It made me feel much better and now I’m starting over!

  3. My complaint today is a custody issue. My ex is unreasonable and combative, his live-in girlfriend (aka bridge troll) is making life uncomfortable for my children. I feel like I have no control and it boiled to a head just last night. I’ve presented some band-aid solutions, but still solutions to him this morning after getting the first challenge. I’ll let you know how it works out as he needs to run it by the troll before responding (she writes his texts for him too).

    1. Now this is a doozie. I’ll talk about it in later challenges, but legal issues are unbelievably stressful. Sometimes the best way to handle those complaints is to do exactly what you’ve done (a band aid solution to stop the bleeding while you regroup) and reminding yourself that this will pass. And karma will handle many of our complaints for us if we wait long enough…..

      1. Karma tastes delicious! Lol.
        You’re right about the bandaids. Love the way you word things, and it’s encouraging to hear that sometimes the band aid solutions are ok! Thanks!

  4. My son moved home and his girlfriend is here too. She complains often about things. Trying to understand how we can help her be happy in our family and listen for the underlying concern to make the experience better for all of us instead of “objecting” (aka poking the bear). And taking action those that are actionable and praying silently for the cross we bear on those that are not

    1. I love this–taking action and praying (which is the best kind of action). You may have even hinted at tomorrow’s trial Jeremy……

  5. Funny you should ask! My complaint just this morning, is my new full-time job.

    Living in a condo, we have new management that requires forms and more forms from any contractor we use and me. I had already asked two upcoming contractors to send the proper forms to the condo. Also I handed my forms in.

    It’s hard enough just to find the forms, then know who has received them, is impossible. I’m being asked for the forms. This is very frustrating, just to have a plumber come.

    These are the condo’s problems, now mine.

    I’ve responded to the asker (our building engineer who now has a new job of scheduling these contractors)
    1) I expressed my awareness of what must be his frustration.
    2) I updated him – I’ve crossed all my T’s.
    3) I then expressed the difficulty that I have, being in the middle.
    4) I asked for a “contractor kit” to be crafted.

    To make sure this doesn’t keep happening, I noted:
    1) how to create the Kit (i.e. clarify the workflow, track documents, etc.) the workflow
    2) What might be put in the Kit to help the residents comply.
    3) Whether it is reasonable to forward the idea to our building manager.

    No complaining at all. That just complicates things.

  6. Great advice, Heather. I feel that I can handle 90+% of my complaints, mostly by personal compromise. More consequential, at point in time, is not my complaint, but the complaints of the ones I love, not usually with me, (because I can handle them), but with other family members. My response is usually, “What is the best for the family?” But, as you and I both know, you cannot control the actions or emotions of anyone but yourself.

    1. It’s the complaints of the ones we love that are the hardest to handle. But you’re right Dan–we can only control ourselves, our complaints, and our responses. And, to your point, our compromises, which are often the hardest thing of all.

  7. I am surrounded sometimes by people who are complainers. I avoid these moments as much as I can. When I try to dissuade them from complaining by helping them to see the brighter side, I become the “Polly Anna.”
    I am just trying to stay out of the mud…now I am complaining about them!! I think a lot of people need to stop voicing their complaints. Most of us have thoughts of complaining but do not think it is fair to be a complainer.

  8. My complaint was the hot weather /heat also. I did Catch myself a couple times. Then i would blast the ac when back in car and play zen music to keep me cooler and calmer. Had showings tonight then Back to school night
    Meet the teachers where it was extra nice and hot. 😜 I decided to treat myself to Ben and Jerry’s ice cream to cool off when I got Home. It was Delish and on sale. Amen.

  9. Working 2 jobs and managing my life by myself can be draining and I found myself always saying I’m tired. I changed my way of thinking and every morning when I wake up I don’t have the thought that I’m tired, instead I give thanks for another day and a thought that I feel good and it’s going to be a great day. I am beginning to feel better and have a different outlook.

    1. Working two jobs is a lot, and feeling like you’re managing alone makes it even harder. You’re not alone though–so many of us feel the same way and we’re here to support you. I’ve found the more I share the more people there are willing to lend a hand. I love that you’ve found a way to change your approach and, most importantly, that it’s helped. And it doesn’t hurt that it’s Friday….

  10. The day before this challenge started I was literally complaining ALL day, mostly to myself but sometime to others and mostly just about very small irritations that I had NO control over so I should not have been complaining period!!! After reading this challenge I went into the office with a different attitude and that attitude was not to complain – I hate when I complain, or let things get to me, when I have no control over them. So my complaint was actually my complaining! Strange! When I actually think about it though I am able to stop it and/or at least reverse it into something more positive!

    1. Oh I complain about my complaining all the time–especially to my poor mother. I know it is only making things worse and I hate when I complain. Today, though, I got so sick of my one particular complaint that I’m taking major action next week. Enough!

  11. My complaint yesterday (I’m catching up) was the the attack on Kavanaugh during his interview. Some senators who shall remain nameless used the tv opportunity to lecture and grind their own particular axe. My resolution was to watch Kavanaugh himself deflect each attack not with aggression, but with passivity. 🙂

  12. So many little complaints the last two days. I’m trying to see them as “little” because my way of trying to handle them is perspective. You told me once of that great saying that if everyone puts all their problems in one big pile, you may likely end up taking your own problems back. So I’m handling my complaints by putting them in perspective and taking a breath…. though my Uber driver taking a ridiculous way to work which took 3x as long is making it hard 🤣

  13. Reached out to a friend about how to help on an upcoming ministry and we chatted about the next level of stirring up guys to #ManUp in their faith life. Within 5 minutes she had Fathers approval and we are scheduling the discussions and planning the event – Talk about moving

  14. One of my biggest desires right now is to get into a workout routine like I used to be. I’m really struggling with consistency because I come up 5.000 excuses. I gave into my excuse this morning and didn’t go for a run or to the gym. Then I read this and felt the guilt big time. So I said enough and I found a way to move during work. I decided that any time I had to go to the bathroom, I would go to the first floor and take the steps back up (which as you know is actually 4 flights of steps even though we are on 3rd floor). I kept to it and I am so proud lol. Thanks for the motivation today HH <3

  15. Questions are the best as a teacher, particular, for me, as an ESL teacher. We can use the “essential questions” in regards to any particular instructional content. The questions are broad, but intriguing and allow for a variety of answers or replies. For the ESL student, these questions substantiate their own life’s experiences and allow that knowledge to be applied. It is not about specific details and much more about understanding.

    I love google, but I go to google for an answer before I really have taken a few minutes to try to remember or recall the likely answer. When I do wait and try to think it through, I surprise myself sometimes by coming up with the answer and then probably will come up with another question!!!

  16. So Day 2 challenge felt AMAZING. I have to-do lists everywhere. I consolidated them and then did ALL THE THINGS that never get done and keep getting copied on to a new list… and I did them. All those things I kept putting off for days, weeks, months… they are DONE. With the exception of cleaning my silverware drawer. lol. For Day 3, I’m still working on that, but have asked a friend I’ve missed for dinner and hoping to begin there. Love these challenges. Thanks HH,

  17. Day 3 – I like to peek in AM then try to do it during day. I was too fast this AM because all I read was about getting “fingers dirty” which inspired me to STOP putting off those 3 holes Maggie dug in back yard (almost every other day I twist my ankle in one of them) and I got a shovel and wheelbarrow and dug some loam from back shed area and filled them all myself! My fingers, hands and knees got a little dirty, I sweat it out “moving” and got good work out, Mocha had fun chasing and helping me, and that “complaint” of filling the damn holes is history and I learned something about myself. I learned I need Heather to light firecrackers under me everyday! And don’t put off tomorrow what you can do today if you don’t want to keep twisting the same ankle in the same holes! 🤣

  18. Day 3 Discovery about myself: We had an unexpected guest for a meal, requested by the Rabbi for our Sabbath. I tried to make an excuse, as I was looking forward to having a private meal and going to sleep early. At first I said no, but my husband said we should invite this man. We did.

    The man talks a bit to much, and was trying to make a point, which wan’t making sense to me. I would ask a question for clarification, and he would give the same answer! This went on for about 4-5 rounds. Each time I tried to say it differently. Finally, he gave the answer differently. The description was still a bit squishy, but it was enough that he thought about it and gave the answer in a different way.

    I realized that I didn’t really care about finding the answer to the question at all. What I was aiming for was to see what would cause him to quit giving the same response and try a different way of explaining.

    What I learned that if a person is giving an answer that is not understood, that it is my “fault,” not his (or hers). It is my job to kindly lead the person by me being curious, to think about what they are saying and who they are saying it to. Then (when it is worth it) I should ask questions that inspire more information to flow from the person (rather than argue or give up then complain afterward).

    How I felt: I felt satisfied that the person had been the given attention and care that he needed. I had learned a long time ago that attention is the biggest gift we can give someone, and I have seen it proved over and over. I am happy when people give me their attention, and I am happier yet when I can help a person be clear and express themselves in a way that the listeners can understand.

    1. This is a great lesson. It takes two people for understanding to occur. And questions can be asked in so many ways–to learn, to challenge etc. You may have previewed a coming challenge!

  19. I’ve often joked that I prayed for patience and God gave me kids because we learn by practicing. Patience has never been my strong suit either. In fact my dad is seem gly proud of his lack of patience. UT age has worn me down and smoothed some edges.

  20. I’m catching up some. This is on move.

    You talked a while back about analysis paralysis but that’s not the only kind of paralysis. There are times when I know what the next move is but I dread it so much I can’t seem to do it. And it’s not always a rational dread. Sometimes I just have to suck it up and do what I know I need to do.

    1. And it feels so much better when it is done! I agree with those who say these things are what we should put at top of our to do list. Get that done, the rest of the day/week is a breeze!

  21. Day 4: Wait. Every one of the challenges so far is timely. It is because they are so pertinent that they happen every moment.

    Your challenge comes, and either I have just done it or I am doing it. You are hitting every nail on the head.

  22. My husband told someone he would do something. “The someone” is depending on him to be one of 10 men. My husband decided he doesn’t want to go. I calmly said, “Do you think you should go? You said you would and “the someone” is expecting you. The “no” was adamant. I told him I’d have to inform “the someone” so he could adjust, and I went about my business.

    “The someone” called me and said he has 9 and they are counting on my husband as promised. Again calmly, I noted there were 9. My husband went without anger or argument.

    Note that this is unusual for both of us. I would normally be insistent in an uncomfortable way, and my husband would dig his heels in in a more uncomfortable way, escalating to who knows what.

    This is my example of being patient. I don’t know what it did for future events, but this one is bringing on a healthy day, and this exercise plants it to refer to in other cases.

    For me, patience is an acquired skill. It has been and still is a long time developing. It is so hard.

  23. I want to add something related. My thought this morning, knowing already that my husband was “not going,” was about constitution. I have noticed in other people, that we have developed a certain constitution, a say of seeing, deciding, communicating, and acting. I am SURE it’s in me, too – you’ll see, it’s hard to know.

    A wonderful Venezuelan guy is scared to death of authority. He came from an authoritative regime, and his opposition shows in the oddest and also the most important things.

    A Russian woman was shaking and incensed by a woman bringing a dog into religious services. It makes it worse for her, because the services take place in a home. I gently took her and brought her to sit in the front of the small space. I suggested she not look and to pretend the dog wasn’t there, and that rattling herself only hurt her. She did, but with difficulty.At the end, she exclaimed, “It’s just not how things should be done!” Everyone else agreed, but didn’t get rattled.

    Finally, there was a guy from Kansas who needed 10 guys. He went to get someone oppositional. He entered the man’s apartment. He excitedly reveled at the floor to ceiling windows and the beauty of the simple condo. He asked incidentally, if the person would help him achieve 10 men. The person said yes in a split second (very unusual). This Kansas guy’s constitution is so unassuming and happy. He obviously expected the request as “normal,” and why wouldn’t anyone say yes? He was both patient and unexpecting (not demanding) at the same time. In this case, due to his constitution, waiting was nonexistent.

    I like to think we can change. However, constitution is woven into our sinews and implanted in our cells. WOW! How do we even know what we’re doing? It’s like a fish in water.

    1. I am correcting a typo that changes what I meant.
      I meant: …We have developed a certain constitution, a WAY of seeing, deciding, communicating, and acting.

    2. We can definitely change. It takes the status quo being worse than the alternative sometimes, but it is possible. I see it with my clients all the time.

  24. In business we are rewarded for taking right and definitive activation. Waiting is the antithesis. So it is a pivot or 180 degree turn that most of us find very painful. I do see more senior leaders who have learned that sometimes it is essential because others often need to digest and process new information.

    The second level challenge is that you need to discern when is the right time to wait and when is the right time to go.

    1. I find the businesses I consult with are starting more and more to see the value of patience, listening, and waiting. It is so hard to know when and how to make decisions. Patrick if you haven’t read Farsighted you might enjoy it. Great on making decisions, which is often the thing that slows us down

  25. This is making me think… I don’t often think about the impact of breaking the tiny promises I make to myself. I feel like it’s easier to break a promise to myself than it is to break a promise to someone else, but it shouldn’t be that way because trusting yourself is just as important, if not more…. Really making me think.

    P.S. I struggle so much with yesterday’s challenge of being patient that I don’t even know what to say about it other than I have a lot of work to do…. lol. It’s good to be reminded of that.

  26. Sometimes the best way to establish credibility is to admit a mistake. When I sent out this morning’s newsletter, I changed the word build to the word establish, and when I did I misspelled establish. Now I worry that it hurts my credibility–can’t spell and all. But the best I can do is admit a mistake, remind you that these challenges are really hard for me, and hope to do better tomorrow. 25 more days of this, and I’m bound to make more mistakes. I’m not asking you to trust that I’m perfect. I’m not. I’m asking you to trust that I’m trying. Have a great Monday!

  27. Day 4 I had a ball asking questions of different people and waiting for the response. They were simple questions so I didn’t have to ask it in 4 different ways like an attorney and the answers were simple and point blank. I realized that most people like to be asked questions because it’s them on stage thinking they are interesting and important, which they are but I was the one in control of the questions! Hahaha fun exercise!

  28. Hello all! As usual, I love these challenges! When I first saw establishing credibility, I thought about being credible to others. What a fantastic spin on being credible to myself first. After all, shouldn’t we treat ourselves as well as we do others. I am excited to see how this unfolds today. Thanks for today’s challenge HH!

    1. It’s the foundation for all other credibility. When we don’t trust ourselves, it’s harder to trust others and to establish credibility with them.
      Love your comments Coryn. Have a great Monday!

  29. Sunday’s challenge – Patience. My husband and I attended a couples retreat over the weekend and I was reminded of the power of silence. In this fast-paced business environment I have found many leaders are attention-deficit, they are spending most of their time trying to keep too many balls in the air than slowing down to assess and ask questions. When they do ask questions they don’t wait to hear the answer if that answer does not come quickly. In sessions I facilitate I deliberately ask questions and continue to drill down to make sure the response is meaningful and commonly understood. What I witnessed this past weekend was the use of silence. The facilitators used silence to pull meaningful responses out of the participants, it was uncomfortable but honestly, the responses were deeper and more meaningful. Patience allows time to think for the questioner and the responder. I will remember this approach in future interactions with teams and leaders.

  30. Love this!!! I couldn’t believe in the power of vulnerability more if I tried. I highly recommend Brené Brown’s book Daring Greatly.

  31. I blew my cred with my dog. I promised her a walk around the neighborhood but when I was finally able to take her, it was pouring out! I feel bad (internally) because I get the full meaning of credibility and even though it was “just a dog” I clearly understanding how that would effect someone in real life, if I broke a promise. I’ll have more opportunities to pass this challenge for both dogs and people in my life. Thanks for bringing it and it’s importance to light!

  32. Many people have a hard time understanding how making yourself vulnerable makes it possible for folks to know you and want to connect with you. And many people inaccurately connect vulnerable with weak. It is easier to see today in the public arena how an absence of vulnerability creates problems most specifically a lack of trust.

    I personally find Brene Brown to be the queen of vulnerability. On the other hand some men have a hard time relating to her in that way. Any suggestions for male role models?

    1. Such a good question!!! Lewis Howes. His books The Mask of Masculinity addresses a lot of these issues, he has a great podcast and is now doing content for facebook. Here is a link to his page. https://lewishowes.com/
      Another great option is Mastin Kipp. Here is his link.https://mastinkipp.com/
      I don’t think any one person gets it all right, but these are a good start.

      1. I know a FB guy who complains about all her personal issues and frankly it makes ME uncomfortable. He tells his whole life personal stories of how he suffers some sort PTSD, has violent nightmares, back problems, social problems etc etc. He tells everyone he is gay although no one would guess but I guess that gives him even more “connection” as you say? He’s a mess IMO and if I was him I’d be going to a therapist not putting all his shid out on FB because I do think he’s weak and vulnerable,looking for attention or something that I’m not willing to give, “oh poor Ed”, on a woe is me level and then apologizes for his shortcomings and posting his posts! Nutzo. What do you call that? I told him to rub a little dirt on it, go to a bar and read John Sarno’s book on backpain and the mind body because obviously he’s so messed up of course his back hurts! Wait, I better work on patience. He drives me nuts. For the record HH I usually just completely ignore him because if you can’t say something nice……

        1. Do you see complaining and vulnerability as the same. They aren’t. Complaining doesn’t get anything done. But being vulnerable about your fears and needs can open doors.

  33. Being vulnerable is scary for me. It’s easier to keep up a facade of composure or to keep people at arms’ length. I was raised not to show weaknesses because if someone knows your weakness he/she can hurt you or take advantage of you. As I’ve grown older, I realize that this is not true for everyone (even though some people will take advantage). But it is still hard for me to vulnerable. In the right setting, I’ve learned the beauty of compassion and acceptance when I allow myself to be vulnerable. I am working on being more open…baby steps for me though. I also find it a privilege when other people are able to be vulnerable with me. It is easier to accept someone else’s vulnerability than my own.

    1. I couldn’t agree more with all of this. If you haven’t watched Brene’s talk (link in my post) I think you’d enjoy it. I believe there is a time and place to show vulnerability. As a trial attorney, there are times you simply can’t show it. But when dealing with your team or your loved ones, it is much more useful. I think you hit the nail on the head with “in the right setting” and my hope is that together we will create more of those settings…..

  34. Nope HH, I failed Mocha. I promised her a walk and she didn’t get one yesterday. I should have said “we’ll go for a walk if it doesn’t rain”. Because she’s a dog and they love unconditionally and forgets one minute to the next and all is forgiven or forgotten BUT had it been a person, I lose credibility for sure! If it was a person, rain or shine I would have been there because my word is my word! Now to make it up to Mocha? We went for a nice extra long walk today inspite of me being short on time and already over exercised for the day but I owed her and my cred with her is restored, ruff ruff 🐶

  35. I always love to see how each challenge will manifest itself on that particular day. For me, I had 2 friends confide in me about some personal issues. They were completely vulnerable with me, which made me examine some of my vulnerabilities. It was also a great reminder that we are not along when facing challenges. Their strength gave me strength today!

  36. Trial Day 6
    I don’t cry, never or hardly ever or just about never and I do think of vulnerability as weakness. I did however love Brene Brown TED talk and I even “get” that when we numb the bad stuff the good stuff can’t flourish. I guess I prefer the tough exterior and very few know my vulnerabilities. Maybe I was forever pained once and refuse to let it ever happen again. Sorry, I’m have difficulty with this topic. Wow, I think I’m feeling vulnerability!

  37. Monday and Tuesday, we celebrated Rosh Hoshanna. I won’t go into the many wonderful rules, but for today’s purposes, I will say that I couldn’t make phone calls or choose to take time to visit my husband who went to the hospital Sunday night (and will hopefully come home today, Wed.). Anyway, I went early am and sometimes squeezed in a few minutes during the day. Each visit entailed a 1.5 mi. walk each way and climbing up 28 stories of stairs to his room. The rest of the time I had to wonder what the tests were telling him. The answer, FYI, is the tests haven’t said much yet. He is not sick. He just had a couple scary incidents that requires a lot of tests to find the cause.

    Regarding vulnerability, I’m not good with being soothed. I don’t know what to do. I’d prefer to sit it out at home, alone. However, this is a hugely public holiday with services and meals galore. Everyone knew, asked and offered good wishes. That sounds good, and it is. I totally appreciated everyone’s care and love. I just don’t know how to act when they continue after good wishes and ask how I am doing. There’s the rub. One person said. “You look tired.” They were right. I responded. Then I started to cry. I’m not ashamed or afraid to cry. However, the crying takes me off my self-control. It erased my ability to put the sadness aside and focus on other people. She added, “The unknown is so hard.” …She hit the nail on the head. Now I had to sit in a large group with my loneliness and the unknown. And that’s what I did. I sat quietly. Control seeped back in, I wandered about the dining area a bit, and sat down to join in conversations once again.

    Here’s my take after that. Ride the wave. Everyone knows what’s going on. The all respect the situation and all that goes with it. I’m sure they appreciate the vulnerability. No one acted to comfort me or overdo it, which I appreciated. I know they were with me and waited until I was ready to be with them. It was wonderful. It felt like authentic care. Now I know what that is (by allowing it).

  38. Good one- The Curse of Knowledge. I can relate in my small business- 34 years ! My daughter has become my heir apparent and is learning the job. She is a breath of fresh air when on the phone with customers. I really enjoy listening to her interact with them.

  39. I just reviewed the other vulnerability question: How do I feel when others are vulnerable around me? On Tuesday, I listened to a “genius” 7-year-old tell her lesson for us, as she does on every special occasion. She gets up on a chair and orates unarguably better than most adults, about very deep subjects. She has a beginning example to set the stage, a middle with stories and examples, and an end where she sums up all points and draws a conclusion. She can’t yet “pwonounce” her “r’s.” So there she is, a little girl, standing tall on her chair, gesturing, looking at each person in the adult audience, with unshaken confidence, addressing comments, and going back to her point.

    I love her. I also feel deep affection for others like her, who can be themselves with all their foibles, admit shortfalls, cry, ask for hugs, who pull their heads inside their shells if they need to for awhile, and then come out and go through the day with a pleasant (not at all “poor me” or “bad me”) and engaged face.

  40. CREDIBILITY Day 5: I hadn’t thought of credibility as being credible to myself. I’m doing a bit of introspection now about self-promises.

    When I consider doing something, I first picture myself doing it. Will I really do it? Can I do it? Do I seriously want to do it? Do I have time? I notice that when I firmly decide to do something, I usually do it. I’m not sure why. I think I do it because I only decide to do things I can, should, and/or need to do. I keep these at a minimum.

    There are times, say, when I sign up for a webinar. I know it will be a stretch. I say to myself, I want to do this, it would be good (not essential). When the time comes, sometimes I can’t bring myself to do it – for lack of interest, too booked — I say to myself, “I can listen to the recording. Then sometimes I do and other times it goes down to my really old emails, and I have forgotten about it.

    I don’t think I can keep all of my wishes, and I would not want to give up on them — the sometimes I can do it.

    On my promises to myself and others, however, I believe I am pretty reliable. If credibility means doing everything I wish to do and sign up for, I am not credible. I choose, though, to think I am credible, because I think I do keep my convictions and promises to myself. I will be looking into this to see if this is true.

  41. Day 7 Curse of knowledge: Wow! This is me. And this is me trying to confront it.

    First of all, I have noticed how annoying others who have this curse, can be. It’s always easier to see it in other people. Noticing is probably a good start, though!

    Then I began to see it in me. They say that if you see it in others, and it annoys you, you have it. If you see it in others and you want to help, either you don’t have it or you’re working on it.

    I have the gift of curiosity, so I can kick it in quite easily. My challenge is knowing when I’m being too knowledgeable — better yet, being able to catch myself when I am about to be! What is working best so far, is just staying curious, and staying out of knowing.

    There are still “knowledge moments,” though. I just had one yesterday. Long story short by not telling it at all… I brushed off a person who was accompanying me on a time-limited mission because she was curious. I brushed her off because “she should know better.” I made light of it, instead of acknowledging her desire.

    I imagine being brushed off wouldn’t be very satisfying. It didn’t seem to be an essential moment for her, though. She went on to another subject, and we continued from there.

    In retrospect, I wouldn’t have wanted to be curious. Is that because I was driven to my mission? Or because I was minus-interested (and is that selfish?)? Or because I am too self-centered? If I had to answer this question, I’d say all in all, the key is way we handle the “knowledge moment,” — whether with curiosity or simply with acknowledgement. Then, without having done damage, we can deal with it and get better at not having the moments at all. It would help me to remember to stay engaged and say something to at the least, acknowledge the person’s desire.

  42. A painful way to learn humility is to be humiliated in embarrassing circumstances – to be vulnerable. Its necessary to learn true humility. Knowledge requires study. Patience requires waiting. Humility requires vulnerability.

    I learned to accept humiliation on my terms (bad jokes as Cubmaster) but when I am truly vulnerable rather than arrogant is when I see the most accomplished in teams – Lots Done, but lots left to do

  43. I, in particular, identify with the curse of knowledge. I am a retired teacher, and every day of my career it was my goal to take the knowledge that I had gained, and impart that knowledge to a classroom full of students. Since I taught the entire spectrum in public education, from kindergarten to grade 12, I had to adapt my strategies to ensure success by the children at every level. I also taught a very wide range of curricula from music to technology, from mathematics to high school golf. I loved my career, and even today in my retirement, I try to learn something new and then impart what I learn to those who will listen.

    1. What a great teacher you must have been! Knowing you have that ‘curse” is enough to help you overcome it. It’s similar to what I had to do to explain the difficult medicine in med mal cases to lay juries. It’s not easy, but it is rewarding. Thank you for being such a good teacher Dan.

  44. I get called a lot for computer and/or cell phone issues. I’m very happy to help the person but am cursed with knowledge that I take for granted when I tell the person with the problem how to fix it and they look at me like I’m talking a different language.
    Again, I’m still happy to help but I have to take a step back and realize they don’t know ABCD & E so how can I possibly explain NOPQ & R. Then 99% of the time they just say “fix it, I don’t want to know”. Still happy to help and empathize that what may be stuff that I just know, they don’t have desire or time to learn or know. So when they feel inferior I say “no way, can you teach me how to make pancakes”?

    1. I’m in that just fix it camp. Some things I want to be on a need to know basis, and my phone is one of them. Until I need to know….

  45. Earlier today I had a call with a potential coach for some of my managers. He talked about the message that I send to my teams relative to how it relates to what is going on in our industry. The light bulb went off when I realized that I had the Curse of Knowledge regarding the bigger picture of our industry that I was not properly sharing with my team. What an awesome Ah Ha moment!

    1. This is an incredible story. Thank you for sharing it. It leaves me beyond curious. What does realizing that do to how you will communicate from now on?

      It seems like such a HUGE change of perception! How will you navigate it?

      Could it be that one day you are one way and the next day you are totally different? I can’t imagine!

  46. Today’s challenge of overcoming the curse of knowledge really stuck with me. I work in a middle school as a paraprofessional, and I am sometimes quick to get frustrated with students. The challenge today served as an excellent reminder to slow down and have patience with students that are slow to grasp a concept or work through a problem. It was just what I needed to hear at the beginning of the new school year. Here’s to a year of being patient, creative, empathetic, and improving communication with my students!

    1. Kay this makes me SO happy! I love that this challenge resonated with you, and that your students benefited. Thanks so much for sharing with us.

  47. Elegance is something that people who are good at problem solving understand very well. At heart problem solving is about following Occam’s razor. Occsm’s razor simply says the simplest solution is usually the best. So an elegant solution is one that accomplishes the task in the most straightforward, simple mannor possible. The opposite of n elegant solution is a Rube Goldberg solution which tends to make the solution as complicated as possible adding many additional steps that are unnecessary.

    Years ago I hated job hunting. It was simply an unpleasant thing to have to do so I sought out an Elegant solution to the problem. I would make a list of all of the potential employers I wanted to apply with. Then I would collect all of my information together. Next I would map the locations out geographically so that I did not have to recover the same ground over and over again. I found that I could put in many job applications in a single day by following this procedure. I found it to be an elegant solution to an unpleasant problem.

    1. I love this so much Ron! I love that you see that elegance is simplicity, and not something feminine or about appearances. And I love that you found an elegant solution to a common problem. Thank you so much for sharing!

  48. Knowledge without wisdom doesn’t lead to happiness. Slowly learning this over these past few years

    Happiness by Carl Sandburg
    I ASKED the professors who teach the meaning of life to tell
    me what is happiness.

    And I went to famous executives who boss the work of
    thousands of men.

    They all shook their heads and gave me a smile as though
    I was trying to fool with them
    And then one Sunday afternoon I wandered out along
    the Desplaines river
    And I saw a crowd of Hungarians under the trees with
    their women and children
    and a keg of beer and an
    accordion.

    https://www.catholicgentleman.net/2017/05/wholeness-happiness-difference-knowledge-wisdom/

  49. Lately my days are uncertain and discombobulated. My husband is in the hospital. By He averted serious outcomes by Divine Providence. Everything will be fine. Each step, though, is to see what to do next, when, how much, where, and how. Each result leads to the yet unknown next step.

    Here are my choices
    The ones I CHOSE are in UPPER CASE:

    REMAIN ISOLATED from sundown Friday ‘til sundown Saturday / Engage with community
    (Why: People will bombard me with questions)

    ACCEPT A REQUEST to be a host / Decline the request
    (Why: I can’t say no just because I don’t feel like it)

    Talk to anyone / TALK to FEW
    (Why: I’ll talk to the select few people whom I know are balanced and don’t overdo “it”)

    EXPLAIN the situation / stay silent
    (Why: People care. They deserve an explanation)

    GIVE CARING ADVICE / Give no advice
    (Why: I can’t put off helping someone when I am able to help them)

    Start attending the webinar I signed up for / START LATER if I can
    (Why: I have no desire or motivation to attend)

    PAY my quarterly TAXES / Put it off til later
    (Why: I want to get it over with)

    Be sad / BE HAPPY
    (Why: It’s too sad to be sad)

    DO THIS trial day / Skip it
    (Why: These trials are thoughtful, thought provoking, and healthy)

    1. Great choices Chavah. And I’m so sorry you’re going through this tough time. I love that you’re continuing to take care of yourself in the process. Praying for you and your husband!

      1. Jeremy, thank you for your prayers. It’s amazing how we can connect from everywhere and help each other. My husband and I appreciate your care! The most challenging and final actions will take place over the next few days.

  50. I choose to be ME! Today and everyday! I have learned that choosing to be me is the best thing for me. I have tried to be someone else, please others and/or change for many reasons but never because it was who I was. I used to think elagance used to be about being proper or saying or acting the right way. I believe now that it is being yourself, standing up for yourself and being strong and not letting anyone tell you what you should think or believe.

  51. I know, you know, we all know, sometimes elegances doesn’t work in politics, sorry and I know that disappoints you but I gotta do what I gotta do to uncover truth no matter how ugly.
    I’d like to think that in my personal and private life I can strive for warrior with elegance and after November 2019 I will work toward being an elegant warrior full time just like my idol HH!

    1. We can agree to disagree Pat! I have to fight to win in trial, but I can do it with my personal elegance. Elegance is whatever that means to you in the moment. But you don’t have to give it up to win.

      1. It’s an ugly race, ugly truth and
        it’s hard to be one of the only who has the courage to stand up to City Hall and uncover it’s dirty little secrets, elegantly.

  52. Listening is one of my favorite things to teach in Customer Service and Merit Badge classes. Active listening is such a hard concept for the Scouts to understand. With so much of our conversations via text only trying to remove my interpretation of the other’s tone is my struggle. Stepping back and reading the text again to look at the whole of what they intended before I reply.

  53. I think the person who listens best, asks questions, and listens more, wins.

    The person being listened to also wins.

    Everyone involved in the ensuing actions and decisions win.

    It seems decisions are faster and outcomes more robust when people have listened attentively.

  54. To listen like this requires both your intention and attention. And it is so against our cultural and business norms.

    And so worthwhile:)

  55. This is a hard challenge for me. While I always try to give my full attention to someone and really listen to them, I am often distracted. I have already failed to be a good listener today a few times but at least the day is only half over. They do say you learn more from failure than you do success, so I am going to keep trying!

  56. I try to be a good listener but honestly that is not my best quality. I’m a multitasker which does coincide with being a good listener. I do know some excellent listeners and they listen with 100% attention, they ask questions and the listen. I am however, going to try to put this in practice and see if I notice a difference and how it works for me and the people I’m listening to.

  57. Oh how is challenge is perfect for today and your gonna love this one HH…….I already had a risk taking planned for tonight……I’m going on an actual date – dinner and a movie!!!! Lol! The first risk I took was saying yes and as it got closer and closer to the day I’ve been saying “this is stupid” “I should cancel” “it’s not going to lead to anything.” And, it may not BUT last night I made up my mind that I’m going and I’m going to enjoy myself. I can’t even remember the last time I was asked out for a date. Here’s to taking a risk! Happy Saturday everyone!

  58. Listening was easy for me Friday because I was in a situation I needed to pay attention and listen and learn something new.
    I never forgot one of your other blogs which said talk 25% of the time and listen 75% of time. I ❤️ that!

  59. I’m risky my personal safety being as verbal on social media as I am against the encumbered Mayor. I’m expecting my risk will payoff when my choice wins his seat back in Nov. 2019. Stay tuned!

  60. TAKE A RISK Every day is full of risks. I always tell about today, because each challenge has happened “today.”

    I feel like I live in another world. I often just say yes. Then I think about what I just got myself into. I am not going to describe the risk, because details are boring. Suffice it to say, I am not young, and I am not willing to become risk averse.

    The following occurs in just seconds; I see the (worthy) challenge, in front of me. I get “scared.” I picture down the road – “what would my life be like moments after I could have done it and didn’t?” I can’t take that outcome that I imagine having not done it, so I say “yes” to myself and/or others. I dress up for the risk and take it. There has never been a time that it wasn’t worth it. Why?
    Taking the risk helps me face further risks. It helps me learn, discern, and focus. It helps me connect when I don’t want to. It helps me ignore nonsense and move on anyway. It actually makes miracles happen. I am dead serious… bonafide, revealed, recognized miracles, and in retrospect, I can see the lead-up to “what just happened,” event after event after event. Others can, too.
    I choose who I hang around with (everyone has their favs), and I carefully choose who I work with. Each is more challenging than the next, in a good way. We get far and take risks together with no downside.

    Thank you for asking.
    P.S. I will miss the daily emails. Please post the link to the daily challenge on your website. I went to heatherhansenpresents.com and didn’t see it.

  61. I LOVED the message on 9/15 about taking risks. I have always been rather timid, however, I am currently in my college years and I am trying to overcome this. So far, I have taken some positive risks in college and have reaped the benefits of doing so, but I am trying to make myself less timid day by day. The best way to overcome your fears is to submerse yourself in them!

    1. I was timid in a lot of ways at your age too Kay. As you take more (smart) risks, you do realize that what you thought was scary is actually fun. You have so many awesome risks ahead of you!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.